Dream Agents: The showdown

Searching for an agent?

As a loyal, devoted, rabid fan of mine, you will recall that some months back, I blogged about my dream agent. Cut to the chase, I said my dream agent is Martin Short in the cult classic movie the Big Picture, with Kevin Bacon.


Go read it, then come back.


Good. So with that in mind, I had to share with you my new dream agent. I saw this posted on The Southern California Writer's Conference Facebook page, so I just had to share it.


I need you (my friends) to understand why it takes so long to finish a novel--even after you think you're done.


You want opinions, so that you have a comfort level with the "goodness" of it, or said differently, you hope it doesn't suck. You want it to shine. Hence, you enlist the helpf of others. 


Most professional readers (agents, editors, etc) are very good, and when they give feedback, they are coherent, amazingly sharp and perceptive. In other words, they make your story better and your writing better. The only real way I found you can get this type of help is at conferences that accept submissions for agents and editors. 


Some so-called professionals, however, are all over the place, leaving you to wonder, did he/she read my work? Or is he/she asking me to be the ghost writer of the story he/she hopes I will write? This can also be true with writing groups. You need to pick well, otherwise you will be writing their story, not yours.


Yes, this video is a comedy sketch... but I will say this: I recently had a very similar conversation with an agent. Let's leave it at that :)


Enjoy!

And just to be fair, here's Martin Short, once again:

I must admit, I don't know which one is my favorite... Which is yours?

Fight the good fight!

My Dream Agent? Martin Short

A few days back I wrote the following statement on Twitter:

I've been doing the query thing and I had an epiphany! [Enter singing birds and opening of gates]

Querying agents is sort of like going to nightclubs trying to find your spouse. "Hey, I'm an Aries. Wanna get married?" Tough sell.

The person on the other end holds all the cards and all you hold is hope. You must approach the person of interest hoping for the following:

• You showed up at the right time
• Person of interest is in the right mood/state of mind
• You have used the right words
• You've delivered the pitch in 10 seconds
• You don't make them vomit (okay so maybe your query won't make anyone vomit... but you get the point)

Don't get these right and... yes, my dear friend, Form Rejection.

In summary, the query letter is like your best pickup line. And for those who have observed people delivering pickup lines, they make for great entertainment, but they don't get you a spouse.

True story: many moons ago, we heard the best (meaning worst) pickup line in the world. There was this guy with a very heavy accent at the bar. He turned to the girl next to him and asked, "Hey Angel, you vant to meet the devil?" result? Form Rejection.

The brilliant marketing guru Seth Godin covers this in his book Permission Marketing. You need to build a relationship, a trust, a bond before you can actually ask for the next big step. It is hard to do that at a nightclub or in a query letter.

But if the query letter has a good hook, you can move to the next step, then the next, and over time, you can build that relationship. So, to close this loop, I am not one who will complain about query letters. There is a method to the madness. Honestly, if I can't sell my novel with a strong hook, who can?

On the other hand, if you want me to talk about Synopsis, man I have a lot of complainin' pent up inside. But that's for another post.

Having said all that, it is a fun game (no, not night clubs -- querying). Yes, I'm a bit odd, but I like games. This game can result in a huge payoff -- you may find your dream agent.

Which leads me to one of my favorite movies of all time. The Big Picture with Kevin Bacon. If you haven't seen it, shame on you. Get it now! It captures the challenges and curves on the road towards breaking into Hollywood. It rocks.

So, I leave you with the scene where young, just-out-of-film-school Kevin Bacon is meeting with an interested agent, played by Martin Short.

I wonder if Mr. Short accepts query letters...

Fight the good fight!