Dream Agents: The showdown

Searching for an agent?

As a loyal, devoted, rabid fan of mine, you will recall that some months back, I blogged about my dream agent. Cut to the chase, I said my dream agent is Martin Short in the cult classic movie the Big Picture, with Kevin Bacon.


Go read it, then come back.


Good. So with that in mind, I had to share with you my new dream agent. I saw this posted on The Southern California Writer's Conference Facebook page, so I just had to share it.


I need you (my friends) to understand why it takes so long to finish a novel--even after you think you're done.


You want opinions, so that you have a comfort level with the "goodness" of it, or said differently, you hope it doesn't suck. You want it to shine. Hence, you enlist the helpf of others. 


Most professional readers (agents, editors, etc) are very good, and when they give feedback, they are coherent, amazingly sharp and perceptive. In other words, they make your story better and your writing better. The only real way I found you can get this type of help is at conferences that accept submissions for agents and editors. 


Some so-called professionals, however, are all over the place, leaving you to wonder, did he/she read my work? Or is he/she asking me to be the ghost writer of the story he/she hopes I will write? This can also be true with writing groups. You need to pick well, otherwise you will be writing their story, not yours.


Yes, this video is a comedy sketch... but I will say this: I recently had a very similar conversation with an agent. Let's leave it at that :)


Enjoy!

And just to be fair, here's Martin Short, once again:

I must admit, I don't know which one is my favorite... Which is yours?

Fight the good fight!

Sticks and Stones?

-- Sticks and stones may break my bones (but words will never hurt me) --

It's a cute saying. False, but cute nonetheless.

Photo credit: Photoshop Player 2009 on Flickr

The fact of the matter is that the impact of words last far longer than a bruise or a broken bone. Words can shatter. Words can alter. Words are powerful.

Think of the words that continue to haunt you since high school. Think of the word that your significant other said, only once, but you never forgot. 


(Before you lecture me, yes, I get it -- the rhyme's goal is to encourage the reader to not allow words to hurt them, because after all, they are only words... audible expressions of air... tell me how that works out for you)

As writers, we have a fundamental issue to reconcile. We aspire to get our work in front of as many readers as possible. But do we really? Are we ready to take what comes with the territory?

I've met some writers, and know of many more, who have yet to put themselves out there. They don't like to share their work with others, afraid of the feedback. They don't want to be critiqued publicly. Not yet, they tell me.

Then there are those who do have their work our there, and the first negative comment on Amazon, or critical book review by a blogger causes a meltdown. Their reaction is either a public embarrassment or a psychological breakdown that throws them off track.

It seems to me that a successful writer is the resilient writer. 

FADE IN: Definition by dictionary.com

re·sil·ient

adjective /riˈzilyənt/  (of a substance or object) Able to recoil or spring back into shape after bending, stretching, or being compressed (of a person or animal) Able to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions

FADE OUT

I used to say that athletes were the most resilient type of people out there. Have you seen how a football or rugby player gets squashed by another giant? The very next moment, they're up on their feet, spitting out a tooth, then smiling. 

But I've come to realize that if a writer wants to last and produce material for a few decades, then they have to become the poster boy/girl for resiliency. 

My friend Webster says a resilient person can 'recover quickly from a difficult condition.' Check. Writers are bombarded by the most damaging type of 'difficult conditions.' We are judged and punished by words for our words, for our art, for our babies. 


They're judging us! Us! Who do they think they are?

Reality check, the best are judged and critizized. King, Rowling, and everyone before them and after them have been told and will be told they suck. This is the nature of art. More than ever, everyone is a stinkin' critic. And you can't stop the democratization of opinion. 


How will you handle it? Will you implode, or will you sit in front of your computer and produce more? 


Butt in the seat, or your face in the sink? Choose.


Only one will produce art and make you better. Only one will stop you from pursing your dreams.

Words by others will hurt. And that's okay. We need to absorb that, acknowledge them then move forward--always move forward. If we're going to let words hurt us to the point that they stop us, then maybe we should consider an easier vocation. Maybe rugby?

Fight the good fight!

Occam's Razor and Advice by Stephen King

Sometimes we overthink things.

Okay, maybe you don't. I know I do. Sometimes.

And sometimes, there are advice out there that go right to the heart of the matter.

You may have heard of Occam's razor (or Ockham's razor, depending which part of the planet you're from). This principle says that when there are various competing hypotheses, the one that makes the fewest assumptions is usually the correct one. Basically, the simplest explanation is the most plausible one.

Stephen King was asked what advice he would give newbie writers. In this short one-minute clip, you will learn all you need to know about being a writer.

Is is simplistic? Maybe. 

Is it accurate? Does it go right to the heart of the matter? Can you in any way-shape-or-form dispute it?

Sometimes we overthink things. And instead of being stuck with thoughts that paralyze us, maybe we should be engaged in the act of doing. 

Write a lot and Read a lot.

Fight the good fight!

Query Letters -- Love or Hate?

I hate query letters

That's not completely true. I hate that to the writer, the query letter is seen as the chasm between unfulfilled dreams and a career.

winnond / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Query letters are how your manuscript lands into the hands of your dream agent, assuming you need an agent. And to be clear, my dream agent is still Martin Short from the Big Picture.

But the query letter doesn't have to be seen in such a limited way. My recommendation -- even if you're going independent, self-pub, small-pub, or Irish pub, you should still do the query letter.

Before you send the mob to my house, here me out.

I've spent considerable time and brain cells (what little I had left) on this topic. I am convinced that when you develop the query letter, it will highlight gaping holes or issues in your story. If you've been struggling with your query letter, the issue may not be the letter itself, it may be (ghasp!) the story you've written.

So I've made a solemn oath. I will write a query letter, before I've started to write my next story. Call this a story treatment if you like. But the approach is sound and powerful if used properly.

After countless hours of research (mostly on Super Agent Janet Reid's Query Shark, but also on dozens of other sites) I have compiled my notes for you:

1. Focus on the Action: leave out the backstory. Most queries give too much description. Probably because we feel like we need to explain why we are where we are, etc. Get to the heart of the matter and fast. Show it. Use powerful verbs. In other words, trust yourself as the writer. Everyone has a backstory. Only your protagonist is about to get into this specific problem.

2. Who is the Protagonist?: Who is the hero/ine? Wee need to know very quickly. Janet Reid recommends opening the query with the hero, in action, facing a problem. Also, only mention the most important characters -- no character soup.


3. What is the Problem?: Start with where the protagonist has a problem (the inciting incident, the disturbance). Again, show it. Let us feel the protagonist's problem. Let us care for her and what she's going through.


4. Compelling, interesting Villains: Boring villains mean boring story. The antagonist has to be so bad that you love him. Think silence of the lambs. 

5. What are the Stakes?: They need to be high. Saying, "He just got laid off," is sad, but not enough to carry an entire story. The stakes need to be high. James Scott Bell says there needs to be a feeling of impending death (actual or psychological). High stakes raise difficult choices...

6. Choices, please: The choices your protagonist faces must be explicit and compelling. If the choice includes, "she'll walk away," then there's no story, is there? Real choices. Though ones. Gut wrenching ones. If Katniss Everdeen does not survive the Hunger Games, her sister and mother will most certainly die. They have depended on her for everything. She volunteered to save her sister. She must survive, even if it means killing the boy whom she has known since she was a child. Tough choices, make for high stakes.

7. 250 words please: General acceptable theory says your query letter should be one page -- but one page can go as high 380 words... maybe more. By sticking to the 250 word count, you are forcing yourself to be succinct and stick to the core of the story. If you're doing this for the benefit of developing your idea you'll be tempted to cheat -- but you shouldn't. Get your main plot down. You will be able to overlay your subplots later. But no matter how many smart sub-plots you add, it will not make up for a flawed main plot. Make sure your main story rocks.

8. Rhythm: You need to develop an ear for rhythm. That's accomplished by reading your lines out loud, We've talked about this, reading out loud is a good (critical) practice. This practice will also highlight clunky writing. Reading out loud tells you when "They are" sounds better than "They're." Rhythm will also establish the tone and voice of your story.


9. Entice: The whole point is for the reader to say, "I want to know more." As you write the query letter, you should get excited too! Your blood should be pumping, and your fingers should be ready to explode with words.


10. Test: Let your writer friends read it. Get their input. Not only for proof-reading (which is critical, of course) but to see if they get it, if they're excited, if they want to read the manuscript. A good query letter/story treatment should sell itself.


As for me, I have to apply all the above to my query letter and story. 


I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Do you have anything to add to this list? I'm sure you do. You can tell uncle Ara :)

Fight the good fight.

Fail Gloriously!

My eight-year-old wanted a skateboard for Christmas.

I wasn't crazy about it. My wife wasn't crazy about it. Yet, Santa apparently chose to fulfill his wish.

Needless to say, he was giddy with excitement. And in his excitement we were happy. My wife even went on YouTube with him and found how-to videos by the man, Tony Hawk. All was good.

For a few days, all he did was practice on that thing. During the day, in the yard. At nights, in the house. I cringed when I saw the scratches on our hard-wood floor, but turned a blind eye.

One night, while I wrote, I heard a thud from downstairs. "You okay?"

"Um, yeah."

I went back to my work. Ten minutes later, another noise. "What happened?"

"Nothing. I'm practicing."

I knew better than to just walk away, but I did. Five minutes later--you guessed it--a louder bang.

I inspected the war area... I would have been justified to get mad, take away the skateboard and tell my wife I told you so. But I didn't.

I can replace plaster and paint. I can't take away words that will forever tell him that failure is bad.

You see, I'd been breaking my own "plaster" upstairs. I'd been struggling with my writing. Trying and failing. Trying and failing.

There is nothing wrong in failing. Implied within failure is that you gave it a shot, you tried. And more importantly, you tried again.

If you're hitting walls, don't give up. Don't talk yourself out of it. There are plenty of people in your life (including the little voice in your head) who will convince you that you're not good enough, smart enough, creative enough.

Fail. Fail gloriously.

Some of us will understand and applaud you for trying. And do me a favor--once in a while, remind me that It's okay for me to get it wrong too.

I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.

~ Michael Jordan

Fight the good fight!

The Risk With Revisions

Since September, I've been engaged in this wonderful thing called revisions.

No, I'm not a sadist (or is it masochist? which one likes to be punished? I forget). I really do enjoy spending time with my characters in my story world.

But there are risks with revisions.

If you're like me, when you finished your first "this is it!" draft, you got your manuscript out to a handful of beta readers. They probably picked up a few (a thousand or so) mistakes.

If you happen to have a couple of extra bucks (or euros, or Thai Baht, or whatever you use) you might have even hired a proof reader who found every single stray comma, adverb, or you-name-the-offense that reared its ugly head in your manuscript.

But then something else happened... you discovered that you had holes. Or you could do some scenes better. Instead of telling the reader "He was pissed," you showed, "He pulled off his belt and bit into the leather, yelling until tears burnt his cheeks."

This is the area of risk.

The moment you make updates to the story, whether a line, a paragraph or a whole new chapter, you have introduced the possibility of silly errors. We are human after all, are we not?

What's my solution to this? No, I do not want to bother my eagle-eye readers, or pay a few hundred drakma to an editor again (apparently, my children have expectations of being fed).

Read Out Loud

When you are done, reread that chapter out loud. It may seem odd at first, but this is the most effective tool a self-editor must use. In fact, reading out loud is a critical piece of my revision process. I read the entire manuscript out loud and as I read, I find mistakes, and more importantly, lines that don't sound right.

Let Technology Work For you

Although you should (must) read out loud, you will not catch everything.

Sometimes, your eyes overlook the obvious. Example:

• breath or breathe
• through or though
• lighting or lightening

We've all seen it happen. That one little letter gets passed us, just to embarrass us. After all, you've written the darn thing, and if you're like me, you know those lines so well that you can almost recite it without reading each word. Unfortunately, I am not able to turn off my automatic read-ahead mind. I'm not that disciplined.

As I've said before, I use (and love) Scrivener.

[Soap Box: If you don't use Scrivener, I don't understand. At $45, it is the single most powerful tool you will ever use as a writer. Visit my friend Gwen Hernandez's site to learn how to use it. Even better, sign up for her class.]

When I'm done editing, I highlight the paragraph in question, right-click and choose "Speech" --> "Start Talking."

(Note, you can do this in MS Word also, but I'd rather pretend that everyone uses Scrivener)

On the Mac, the voice of the reader is fairly decent. The beauty is that you hear the mistakes immediately. As I listen to the narrator, all I do is highlight words, or sections that sound odd. I don't edit right then and there. I don't want to miss other mistakes that the narrator may pick up.

In Scrivener (or Word) highlighting is fast. So you won't miss more than a micro second at best.

Or you can do this with hard copy of your manuscript at hand. Listen and follow along on the printed document. When something catches your ear, highlight it.

When you hit the end of the chapter. Correct the mistakes. But wait, you're not done. Listen to the corrected section one more time. Yes! Do it. Be picky. This is your work. Listen again. Make sure you didn't just introduce another mistake.

I use the computer narrator all the time. It's a powerful feature. And although listening to the whole book is time-intensive, it is invaluable. The things you hear, will surprise you. Also, the experience of hearing your story read back to you is fresh and powerful.

I highly recommend it. Give it a shot.

Do you have any special tricks? If you try this technique, let me know if it works for you.

Fight the good fight!

Give Yourself a Promotion

"How can I get promoted?"

Secret handshakes go back a few years...

I hear this all the time at work. Everyone wants to know how they can get to that next level, then the next, and the next one after that.

Implied in that question is that there may be a secret handshake, a magic book, or fraternity that if they joined, then "it" would all come together. Whatever "it" may be.

I don't have the heart to tell people the truth -- not everyone is promotable.

Sorry, but it's true.

So when someone asks me that question, I tell them, "If you want to be a leader, then lead. If you want to be a project manager, then manage a project. You don't need the title to make it happen."

Show me. Don't tell me that you want to do something. Do it!

And when you do it, you'll show us all two things: you have the desire and the will to achieve even when you don't have the official title.

We must mentally promote ourselves to the role we aspire to hold. The answer is within us, waiting to be tapped.

No one wants to hire a project. But I can guarantee you that everyone wants to hire a winner. That person who has shown desire and will to do the hard work even when there is no guarantee of payoff.

Sound familiar?

So you want to be a traditionally published author? Then do everything that's consistent with "being" a published author. Show the professionals in the industry that you're also a professional. You have to be the baddest badass out there. You are not competing against the slushpile. You're competing against those on the bestseller list. That's what the industry is looking for. Elevate your game. Give yourself a mental promotion--now!

Or maybe you will self-published. Then behave like a professional author for your readers. Give them your best work. The beautiful cover, the professionally edited novel, and build the personal connection with your fans who will spread the word for you like the plague. You are trying to win their trust. You're trying to establish a sacred agreement that if they take a chance on you, then you in return will honor their valuable (and diminishing) free time. You will give them the ride of their life.

By the way, these habits are not mutually exclusive. We have to do all of the above and then some.

Eliminate "good enough," or "pretty good" from your vocabulary. Only the best qualify. The good news is that it's all up to you--me. The bad news is that it's all up to you--me.

If we want to win at any game, then we must play the game as if we've already won. Believe in yourself, so others will believe in you.

Bad things happen to good people all the time. Lady luck shows up on the wrong table sometimes. But in the end, if we play the game fully, with passion and excellence in heart and mind, then on my scoreboard, we've already won, haven't we?

Believe in yourself, then do it. And when you do, the rest will believe in you too.

Fight the good fight!